done with my test!

So this post has taken me a while to finish, but I have been trying to organize all my thoughts on this.

Saturday I took my certification test for Special Education, the General Curriculum. The two tests were only my first round -- once I know where I am working and a more specific idea of my teaching assignment I will then take my specific tests. The test was quite a frustrating experience. First, I don't remember the last time that I studied so hard for something. Unfortunately, the book that is meant to be a study guide is poorly written and was not at all an adequate preparation for the test. I am hoping that my knowledge from my psychology classes were enough of a compensation of information. I am also hoping that everyone else taking it felt as poorly prepared as I did. I do not mean to be bitter, I am just frustrated and will be beyond embarrassed if I fail my first certification test. That is not the impression I would like to give TFA.

I get more and more honored by my selection to the TFA Corps the more I learn about it. Someone recently told me that their acceptance rate is about 13%. WOW! I have also discovered, as I learn more about my other corps members, that I am a part of a very accomplished group. Many of the other Atlanta Corps members come from Ivy League schools and are significant leaders on their campuses, in various organizations. At times, I am very overwhelmed by the responsibilities I have as a member of this group.

I am also frequently overwhelmed by the responsibilities I have as a teacher and specifically as a special education teacher. I am struggling to constantly remind myself that God has gotten me this far, and that he will continue to help me through this. I also have to remind myself that TFA would not have chosen me for this if they didn't think that I could handle it. I need a better way to calm myself down. I need a better way to let go of things and trust. I can't have a plan for everything. I can't always have the answer or any answer. I am so excited about my future and I have to get better at focusing on that part, and the excitement of new challenges, and not be so concerned with all the things that I don't know and that I am afraid of.

"To live in fear is not to live at all." This was just said on the tv as I am finishing this up. Thanks again, God, for reminding me of your presence even in the midst of Desperate Housewives =)