If...

I saw a line from this poem quoted this morning and it was such a good reminder. This poem was so important to my grandfather, in fact, that I can remember he offered to pay each of his granddaughters $25 when we were younger if we would memorize it.

"If"

Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,

Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,

And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;

If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with triumph and disaster

And treat those two impostersjust the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,

And stoop and build 'em up wit wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breath a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;

If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it

And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

(emphasis mine)

The part I italicized is just what I needed to hear right now. I feel like that is exactly where I am right now. As of today, I have four weeks left of school -- I'm barely holding on. But I know that I am going to make it, if only out of sure determination.

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

To Life!

So along with everyone else, I have spent the last week thinking about this new year, new Resolutions, and a new me. At times, the new year is a little overwhelming. Each year, there are so many things that I want to change or improve, so I set all of these resolutions to make myself better.. and by February I feel miserable and disappointed with myself. So this year, I decided to take a note from a fantastic book, The Happiness Project. In the book, the woman decides to have a different theme each month, nothing huge, but just little things to make herself happier. So, while I have some over-arching goals for myself this year, there are also smaller changes that I want to make throughout the year to improve myself and my life.

So... my first six months are as follows:

January -- Be Healthier. For me, this means drinking a little less, eating a few more veggies, and getting back to my running. I know how much better I feel when I am healthier, so this is the first thing that needs to happen!

February -- Get back to my faith. I think with all of the amazing things that have happened in my life, I have lost my way with God a little. Its easy to take Him for granted when things are going your way. I want to find a church here in Atlanta, find a Bible study, and figure out how to bring this all to my marriage.

March -- Be more confident. This is something I have struggled with my entire life. I don't know how to accomplish this yet.. but it is something that is really important to me.

April -- Make more time for friends. I have so many amazing people in my life, I think I take it for granted. I want to make more time for catch-up phone calls and spend more time with the girls. At times, I feel too tired or too emotionally drained to go out, and this is something I want to work on. I need to stop being so sketchy about going out with people, and just go and do it. I am lucky to have the people in my life that I do -- and I don't want to lose that.

May -- Be more active. As warmer weather comes, I want to be more physically active. I know in January I am getting back to my running, but I want to become a generally more active person. More getting outside. More taking advantage of this healthy body I have and all the things it can do. Less time on the couch in front of the TV and more time outside!

June -- Be more adventurous!! I have so many things I *want* to do or try, but most of the time I am too afraid. This month, I want to step out of my comfort zone to try new things. Maybe this will be the month I finally skydive... or go rock climbing.. try new foods.. who knows!


So that's it for now. I am still figuring out the other six months -- maybe I'll have more ideas after trying some of this for the first few months. I want to keep motivated and take baby steps to improve myself.

My life in music...

I thought it was kind of fun to post song lyrics in my last post. And because music is such a part of my life, I thought I would continue with it...

As I stated, my life has been an exaggerated level of chaos the last two weeks. Seven laptops were stolen from our computer cart, which was sitting in my classroom, on Monday night. Despite locking the cart and locking the door. Unfortunately, the teacher whose room connects to ours left his door unlocked. So students broke in after school, stole the computers, and then sold them. Fortunately, they were dumb enough to sell them to a student who told his aunt, who let us know about them. So we recovered two. However, I still spent the majority of the day filing a police report, watching security cameras, and building up my courage to tell my principal about the situation. On top of all that, I find out that one of the students who is being accused is the student I TRUSTED to be our COMPUTER MANAGER. I am so disappointed. It makes me feel hurt that he would misuse my trust and it makes me feel stupid that I trusted him in the first place after being told not to.

Among other things, I have had students who we discovered were in the middle of domestic disputes in the last two weeks, students in the hospital for doing harm to themselves, and students who have lost a parent or a best friend. All in the last two weeks.

I'm burnt out. I am emotionally spent. I need a vacation. I am quick to lose my patience with my students, when the entire purpose of a Special Education teacher is to be more patient than others. I am quick to snap, quicker to yell, and quickest to cry. I am at my complete breaking point.

Yesterday afternoon I was sent a Godly message. A friend of mine, really a mere "Facebook friend," posted a Bible verse as her status that reminded me of an amazing song. I am often the type of person who focuses less on God during the good times and more on God during the hard times, as many other people do. So He has completely brought me to my knees in the last few weeks. This has happened in my life before, when I have drifted too far away. So I can only believe that He has brought me here to bring me back to Him. Bless you, Father, I am coming back.

About five years ago, if not more, I was familiarized with the idea of "breath prayers." The idea is that you have a short phrase (just one deep breath), which generally stands for so much more, that you can repeat throughout the day to connect you back to God and remind yourself of whatever it is you need to be reminded of. Yesterday, I adopted a new breath prayer. So for the next few days/weeks/months/however long it takes, my daily breath prayer will be "No weapon," based on the song of the same title...

No Weapon, by Fred Hammond
No weapon formed against me shall prosper, it won’t work (4x)

God will do what He say He would do
He will stand by His word and He will come through
God will do what He say He would do
He will stand by His word and He will come through

No weapon formed against me shall prosper, it won’t work (2x)

God will do what He said He would do
He’s not a man that He should lie, He will come through
God will do what He said He would do
He will stand by His word, He will come through

Oh I won’t be afraid of the arrows by day from the hand of my enemy
I can stand my ground with the Lord on my side for the snares they have set will not succeed

No weapon formed against me shall prosper, it won’t work (2x)

For I Know God will do what He said He's gonna do
He will stand by his word, He will come through
God will do what He said He's gonna do, stand by his word

NO NO NO WAY!

No weapon formed against me shall prosper, it won’t work (2x)

It won't work

Dont be afraid of the arrows or the snares set by your enemies if you believe it say oo

There just aint one, there just aint one weapon
Although they've set a snare and a trap I want you to know it won't work oh no no no

I am truly, incredibly blessed. In the midst of more chaos then I have experienced so far at my job, I am so happy. In the midst of a week filled with physical threats from students, laptops being stolen from my room, all on top of the usual nonsense of my current daily life, somehow I can actually still smile and laugh. Why? I am blessed with a man who is my partner in every sense of the word. I am blessed with a man who surprises me by bringing home a "six-pack" of gourmet cupcakes because I had a rough day. A man who kisses me on the forehead as I cry and says, "We'll get through this together." We. WE will get through this. Not, "You'll make it." Or, "You can do it." But we. I am now, and forever, a we. What an amazing feeling.

Thank you, Father, for sending this precious, amazing man to me and for blessing me with this marriage. I promise not to take it for granted. I promise to spend every day working to make him feel as loved and taken-care-of by me as I do by him.

Lyrics from my favorite musical, The Last Five Years. It is actually a semi-depressing show, but this is an incredibly beautiful moment where the man, Jamie, and the woman, Cathy, actually get married. It is the second song on the CD I made myself the week before the wedding...

Husband: There are so many lives I want to share with you
I will never be complete until I do

Wife: I am not always on time
Please don't expect that from me
I will be late, but if you can just wait
I will make it eventually

Not like it's in my control, not like I'm proud of the fact
But anything other than being exactly on time I can do

I don't know why people run
I don't know why things fall through
I don't know how anybody survives in this life
Without someone like you
I could protect and preserve
I could say no and goodbye
But why, Jamie, why?

I want to be your wife, I want to bear your child
I want to die knowing I had a long, full life in your arms
That I can do, forever, with you

Will you share your life with me
For the next ten lifetimes?
For a million summers
Till the world explodes
Till there's no one left
Who has ever known us apart
There are so many dreams
I need to see with you...

There are so many years I need to be with you...

I will never be complete

I will never be alive

I will never change the world until "I do"

Day 16!!

So I won't even try to apologize for the 3.5 months because everyone has heard it before and it doesn't seem to mean anything when I do =) However, I am going to try and be better because I really want to keep track of such an exciting time in my life!!

So, the past month has been a complete whirlwind. The wedding was amazing and Zach and I realized how incredibly blessed we are to have the family and friends we do. We have spent the last two weeks trying to rest and recover from everything. Here are some of my newest "wife" adventures...

Honeymoon in Chicago!!!


Homemade chili to celebrate fall!!


My attempt at decorating for the season (idea stolen from Emily, THE decorator!)

Homemade "Berry Banana Bread"
(found here: http://fortheloveofcooking-recipes.blogspot.com/2009/11/berry-banana-bread.html)

((Side note: This recipe is definitely a work in progress, as this was the first time I have ever baked bread. There are certainly some changes I will make next time, and some things I learned to do differently!!))

As far as everything else...

• I started training for my next half marathon, the Birmingham Mercedes Half Marathon on February 13th
• After that, I will be running in the Nashville Country Music Half Marathon
• Teaching is still ridiculous and I don't know that I'll ever get used to it
• I am in the midst of trying to decide what I want to do after teaching... Grad school? Law school? Nursing school? Who knows. I'm willing to take suggestions...
• All in all though, I am LOVING life with Zach right now and this incredible time in our lives!

Keep you posted!!!

Pure Cheesy-ness...

I spent this weekend celebrating our nation's birthday with three amazing families: the Smiths, the Olsens and the MeGahees. The weekend, while full of nonsense and too many people in one house, was another eye-opener for me. Anyone who is anti-cheesy-ness should move on and wait for another post... =)


I am beyond blessed. Let me re-phrase. I have always been blessed, but I am more and more aware of this on a daily basis. I am doing my best lately not to take this fact for granted but to remind myself regularly. This weekend did just that for me. I am beyond blessed with the amazing people I have in my life and the relationships I have been given. More than just being blessed to have those people in my life, I am blessed that said amazing people have relationships with each other. Good ones, too! I literally almost teared up at one point this weekend, in the midst of too little sunscreen and too much Bud Light when I saw my mom and Zach's mom giggling with each other in the back of our rented Pontoon boat. Not only do I have a good relationship with my *future, in-less-than-three-months* in-laws, but my parents also have a good relationship with them. Not only do I love Zach's sister, but my sisters love his sister. Zach's friends are my friends and my friends are his friends. As I have seen in the past, through friends' experiences, how difficult these relationships can be to form, I am beyond thankful that our friends and families get along so well -- and I vow to be grateful for it every day.


I am also blessed with the amazing man who I marry in less than three months. While working on noticing and appreciating the relationships we have with ohers, I am also working on appreciating the time we have with each other and not taking it for granted. We have our fights and our issues, but I have so much fun with him. Despite being exhausted from our trip, we arrived back in Atlanta and had a night full of laughter and silliness.



I am a blessed girl. And I am doing everything I can to take it all in, appreciate it, and save these moments up for when the stress of school starts back into my life!

Our weekend, in a few pictures...

Oh, Birmingham..

So I have been enjoying my summer so far. It is nice to have time to myself to be lazy and to read and do so many things I have been putting off while school was going on!

This week I have been in Birmingham working on wedding stuff. Friday, we went and ordered invitations in Montgomery. I have to say, after finding the dress, that was the thing that most made it real that we are getting married. Seeing our names written out and everything was a little crazy!

Monday, Mom and I found the jewelry I will be wearing at the reception and Tuesday we found her dress! It has been very fun and exciting getting these little things accomplished. I am trying to do as much as I can in June/July, because I know that once its August and school starts up, everything will begin to move so quickly!

In other news, I have become addicted to the novels by Philippa Gregory. Most people know her as the author of The Other Boleyn Girl, but I love everything I've read so far. I finished The White Queen and am now in the middle of The Virgin Lover. Next is The Other Queen. I have so much fun escaping into these books -- imagining being royalty back in the day (we all know I wish I was a real princess).

This weekend we are planning a trip to "Shoot the Hooch" and then go to the Braves game on Saturday. Should be lots of fun! Maybe I'll be good and post pictures!!