"People see God every day, they just don't recognize him."
I think today that God realized I was struggling with feeling frustrated and overwhelmed. They have added students to my caseload, so after all the work I have done to get a perfect schedule for my students and myself so that I am helping them as much as I can (and as much as they need) -- now thats kind of all gone down the toilet. I am now expected to be in at least three different places at once for just about each block every day. I am trying to figure out how I am going to handle that...
Anyway, God saw I was upset. So today, He sent one of the students to me to remind me that I am actually accomplishing things at this school. Q, my student who was such a behavior issue for so long, walked in my class last period today to give me a hug. I literally could have cried. I said, what was that for?! And he said, I just wanted to say hello.
Thanks, God. =) I needed that reminder.
I never realized how much paperwork was involved in this job. It's more than ridiculous. Thankfully, I am just about caught up. At least until they add new students to my caseload or something else crazy!
I am meeting with my PD tomorrow -- the behavior issues at my school that I am always talking about are so out of control that I cant even teach. I am hoping she will have some suggestions. Plus, she just makes me feel better about myself and the job I'm doing. Not that other people don't say nice things about me or what I'm doing, but I respect her so much and I know she knows what she is talking about, so it means more.
School is still overwhelming, but life outside of work is great. Still taking it one day at a time, and reminding myself that this will take a while. Every day is a new day, and I know that I am getting better each day.
Still, I continue to pray with every breath I take...
Monday, September 28, 2009
Thursday, September 17, 2009
long overdue!
So this post is long overdue, as I haven't updated in over two weeks!
The last two weeks have been quite the roller coaster of emotions. After labor day, I spent the next week in and out of school, sick with what I am almost certain was strep throat. Monday, we had no school. Tuesday, I made it to school for my advisory (from 8-9) and then was sent home after that. Wednesday I didn't even try to go to school because I still had a fever. Thursday I was able to last the entire day and Friday I had to leave at lunch. It will be unfortunate when I get my paycheck tomorrow because I have not been here long enough to earn any sick days, so I will merely be docked pay =( However, there was nothing I could do about it. Not only did I not want to be at school to make anyone else sick, but I was also completely unable to do any real work or help at all because I felt so terrible! I am feeling much better now, although my sore throat still has not fully covered.
Oh! So the one day that I was at school that week, our team leader Ms. C was home sick. Apparently she has quite the presence in the 9th grade hall, because we had three flat out brawls while she was out. One was two boys, one was two girls, and one was a boy and a girl. It was ridiculous!! Somehow, during two of the fights, I found myself almost directly in the middle of them despite my attempts at staying away. The other fight, I was herding children back into the rooms (of course, they want to see all the action), and while I was doing that took an elbow to the face. For Lumumba: This is why I Teach for America! =)
This week, again, has been quite a mix of emotions. Tuesday I taught my first math class solo and Wednesday I taught my first English class solo. Both went amazingly well. I felt really good about myself afterwards! Granted, in math I bribed them with candy, but hey! At this point, I'll do whatever it takes. Honestly, they need so much training about how to behave that the candy still has to be used. My next step is to work with the teachers I co-teach with to continue to train the students to do simple things like stay in their seats, raise their hands, and not shout out!
I finally had a "moment" with a student. Let's back up. Q is one of my advisory students who has a bad attitude and a problem with following the rules. In fact, I am on him so much because of that he told one of the other teachers "Ms. MeGahee always so mean. She always on me and stuff. She always telling me what to do." Good. I'm doing my job =) He likes to get up and leave class when he gets bored, etc. He has also been suspended or in in-school suspension multiple times. Needless to say, he is a student I am trying desperately to reach. On Tuesday, I finally had a moment! In Math Support we are starting a unit on fractions and decimals, because some of them have absolutely no concept of fractions (IN HIGH SCHOOL) and therefore are being held back by that during the regular Algebra class. We were working on equivalent fractions and comparing fractions with like denominators or numerators. Anyway, as I said previously, I was bribing them left and right with candy. Raise your hand? Get a jolly rancher. Answer a question? Get a KitKat. Finish your worksheet? Get a Hershey's bar. Anything that I could reward them for, I did. Well, for the first time this entire school year, Q was completely engaged in the lesson. He was answering questions, watching the work on the board, and even raising his hand for help. It was awesome! Not only did it show me that he CAN behave, he CAN do the work, and he IS smart, I am going to keep pushing him.
Even better, on Wednesday he is also in the English class I co-teach. Ms. C was out because of a workshop, so it was all on me. The class was so much more controlled than I thought they might be (because Ms. C is so tough, I am generally perceived as the nice one, which means they don't listen to me nearly as much). Once again, Q was engaged and following along throught the lesson!!!!! And this time, there was NO CANDY! I couldn't even tell you how much it meant when I heard, "Ms. MeGahee wait! I didn't get the answer to number 5!" When normally, he would just leave it blank and not worry about it. I think I may finally be reaching him. It is very exciting.
My next step is to reach my actual PEC students. I am still trying to deal with one who refused to accept my help (I make her though, even when she wants to), and two others who are so far behind I feel lost trying to help them. They need so many basic skills -- we're talking adding and multiplying. How do you make it to this point without them? But, today I am going to buy flashcards for them and call parents to ask them to work with them. I just worry about figuring out ways to help them with the actual material they struggle so much with.
Every day is a new day. Some are good and some are bad. Lynn came to observe her student teacher and told me something I really needed to hear -- Every day is a new day and every day something good happens. Some days, it takes a lot for me to find the good. I spend most of my time feeling overwhelmed or confused. I constantly question if I should be here. But moments with students like Q remind me why. I will do this. I know I will. Baby steps..
The last two weeks have been quite the roller coaster of emotions. After labor day, I spent the next week in and out of school, sick with what I am almost certain was strep throat. Monday, we had no school. Tuesday, I made it to school for my advisory (from 8-9) and then was sent home after that. Wednesday I didn't even try to go to school because I still had a fever. Thursday I was able to last the entire day and Friday I had to leave at lunch. It will be unfortunate when I get my paycheck tomorrow because I have not been here long enough to earn any sick days, so I will merely be docked pay =( However, there was nothing I could do about it. Not only did I not want to be at school to make anyone else sick, but I was also completely unable to do any real work or help at all because I felt so terrible! I am feeling much better now, although my sore throat still has not fully covered.
Oh! So the one day that I was at school that week, our team leader Ms. C was home sick. Apparently she has quite the presence in the 9th grade hall, because we had three flat out brawls while she was out. One was two boys, one was two girls, and one was a boy and a girl. It was ridiculous!! Somehow, during two of the fights, I found myself almost directly in the middle of them despite my attempts at staying away. The other fight, I was herding children back into the rooms (of course, they want to see all the action), and while I was doing that took an elbow to the face. For Lumumba: This is why I Teach for America! =)
This week, again, has been quite a mix of emotions. Tuesday I taught my first math class solo and Wednesday I taught my first English class solo. Both went amazingly well. I felt really good about myself afterwards! Granted, in math I bribed them with candy, but hey! At this point, I'll do whatever it takes. Honestly, they need so much training about how to behave that the candy still has to be used. My next step is to work with the teachers I co-teach with to continue to train the students to do simple things like stay in their seats, raise their hands, and not shout out!
I finally had a "moment" with a student. Let's back up. Q is one of my advisory students who has a bad attitude and a problem with following the rules. In fact, I am on him so much because of that he told one of the other teachers "Ms. MeGahee always so mean. She always on me and stuff. She always telling me what to do." Good. I'm doing my job =) He likes to get up and leave class when he gets bored, etc. He has also been suspended or in in-school suspension multiple times. Needless to say, he is a student I am trying desperately to reach. On Tuesday, I finally had a moment! In Math Support we are starting a unit on fractions and decimals, because some of them have absolutely no concept of fractions (IN HIGH SCHOOL) and therefore are being held back by that during the regular Algebra class. We were working on equivalent fractions and comparing fractions with like denominators or numerators. Anyway, as I said previously, I was bribing them left and right with candy. Raise your hand? Get a jolly rancher. Answer a question? Get a KitKat. Finish your worksheet? Get a Hershey's bar. Anything that I could reward them for, I did. Well, for the first time this entire school year, Q was completely engaged in the lesson. He was answering questions, watching the work on the board, and even raising his hand for help. It was awesome! Not only did it show me that he CAN behave, he CAN do the work, and he IS smart, I am going to keep pushing him.
Even better, on Wednesday he is also in the English class I co-teach. Ms. C was out because of a workshop, so it was all on me. The class was so much more controlled than I thought they might be (because Ms. C is so tough, I am generally perceived as the nice one, which means they don't listen to me nearly as much). Once again, Q was engaged and following along throught the lesson!!!!! And this time, there was NO CANDY! I couldn't even tell you how much it meant when I heard, "Ms. MeGahee wait! I didn't get the answer to number 5!" When normally, he would just leave it blank and not worry about it. I think I may finally be reaching him. It is very exciting.
My next step is to reach my actual PEC students. I am still trying to deal with one who refused to accept my help (I make her though, even when she wants to), and two others who are so far behind I feel lost trying to help them. They need so many basic skills -- we're talking adding and multiplying. How do you make it to this point without them? But, today I am going to buy flashcards for them and call parents to ask them to work with them. I just worry about figuring out ways to help them with the actual material they struggle so much with.
Every day is a new day. Some are good and some are bad. Lynn came to observe her student teacher and told me something I really needed to hear -- Every day is a new day and every day something good happens. Some days, it takes a lot for me to find the good. I spend most of my time feeling overwhelmed or confused. I constantly question if I should be here. But moments with students like Q remind me why. I will do this. I know I will. Baby steps..
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