Lots of questions

In case you're wondering, I move to Atlanta in 17 days! Everything has flown by so quickly, so I am beginning to get very anxious about everything thats going on. This week I set up a call with my "SpEd" program director, AB. She is great! I was feeling so overwhelmed. For most people, they have been much more narrowed down in their possibilities for what they may teach. If you're certified in high school math, you teach high school math. However, if you're certified in SpEd, at this point you could be teaching any grade level and any subject. You might have your own classroom or you might share with another teacher. So I called to get a better idea of what I might be doing and what SpEd looks like in Atlanta. I'm definitely glad that I did. She told me that I will most likely be teaching secondary (middle and high school). She also said that the majority of her teachers are either in their own classroom teaching a specific subject just like any other teacher, but with only SpEd students. Or, they team teach but only do so in a certain subject.

She also said many reassuring words about how much faith and confidence she has in me, that she remembered me from my interview and at the time was thrilled at the possibility of me coming to Atlanta and teaching SpEd. So that certainly made me feel better =) Unfortunately, she also talked about how every year there are teachers who do not get placed in their schools until the first or second week of class. Talk about learning patience and flexibility. When God decides to test you, He sure doesn't like to do it in baby steps!! This is more like WHAM! But I accept the challenge!

The other thing I am struggling with right now is all of the diversity education they give us. All of the texts and readings we are assigned are a little overwhelming (I'm working on being patient and knowing that in just a few weeks it will all start to come together -- but its not exactly my style to not know exactly whats going on). But the toughest right now is the diversity part. It brings to mind lots of things, and is something that I struggle with the more I read. I guess thats the point of reading all of it -- for us to look hard at racism/prejudices we carry, whether consciously or unconsciously, but it certainly doesn't leave you feeling all warm and fuzzy inside.

I think and pray for the students that I will have next year on a regular basis. I wonder where they are and what they are doing, what they are struggling with right now, who is on your side and who is making my job harder by telling them they can't do something... I ask God to send me the ones that need the most help, to send me challenging ones that He and I can reach together. I want my kids to know that they are important, that they are special, that someone believes in them, and that they can do anything they want to. I hope that is what I instill in them -- and that we move them up in grade levels at the same time!

Uh oh..

So, after all the excitement of the weekend (I'm an Auburn Alum!!!) I was struck with a pretty tough blow this morning when I checked out the TFA*Atlanta facebook group. Check out this ..

I am not sure what this completely means for me.. It will be interesting to find out what happens with this in Atlanta and what TFA does about it.


I hate my graduation parade being rained on =(

Some interesting things..

Online today I found some (at least what I thought to be) really interesting articles and such about TFA. Just thought that I would share.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB124061253951954349.html

http://blog.nola.com/reneepeck/2009/03/unexpected_things_can_happen_w.html

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=58111303066&ref=mf

I really hope that last link to the video works -- I finally got more information about what institute will be like.


I also really like the quote for today:

"I know God will not give me anything I cannot handle. I just wish that He did not trust me so much." -- Mother Teresa

That is a feeling I have had a lot lately. You could also say that I wish that TFA didn't trust me so much! Hopefully, I wont let anyone down! It's getting closer and closer.. and more and more real..

I passed!!!!

GACE Special Ed General Curriculum -- TAKE THAT!!!

I don't know how, I'm fairly suprised, but apparently everyone felt as ill-prepared as I did in March. I passed both of my General tests!! I'm still somewhat in shock. I guess studying on the cruise ship really helped!

So thats another notch to check off on my "Becoming a Teacher" To-Do List! Next is.. graduate! Which is coming up so quickly I can hardly believe it.

Official countdown (I'm not sure what makes it official...)
Days until my last final = 9!
Days until graduation = 12!
Days until regional induction = 36!
Days until Institute = 41!
Days until school = 105!!!!!!!

I know some of those are silly to already be thinking about, but it wasn't too long ago that graduation was months away, and now its only a few days away. It's hard to believe that so much hard work is about to pay off. And so much hard work hasn't even begun yet. I need to get back to my TFA pre-institute work, unfortunately finals are getting in the way right now. Nine more days and then I'll be able to completely devote myself to TFA.

Holy cow... this is really happening!!!!

I have begun my pre-institute work that I have to complete before I get to Atlanta in June. I have eight different lessons I have to work on, and each requires written responses from me. I will most likely post those on here so that I can not only keep up with them but also so that I can keep track of my progress. Today, I began my first reading, "Teaching as Leaders: Ms. Lora's Story." There are many things that I can comment on so far about what I have read of her experiences, but this one struck me the most so far. Here is an excerpt which discusses a phone call she had with her father after her first day of school:

And every time he did it, she smiled too. They both understood that by calling her “Ms. Lora,” Aurora’s father was lightly teasing her but also signaling his approval of her decision, and his disapproval of all of those who thought the idea was crazy.

Ms. Lora could not count the number of strange looks she received—ranging from the merely quizzical to the blatantly disapproving—when she told friends, relatives, colleagues, professors, and employers that she was going to teach. The idea that Aurora should use her own academic achievement and budding leadership skills to work toward raising others’ seemed absurd to many, and actively distasteful to some. “Have you thought about law school?” “Or grad school?” “Didn’t you want to be a doctor?” “But you can do anything you want to do. . .” Ms. Lora had endured the subtle and not-so-subtle disapproval of her decisions, telling herself that those short-sighted, but supposedly well-intended, comments only further validated her decision. Her father’s smile-laced “Ms. Lora” was a welcome reassurance that she had made the right decision.

I think it is interesting what different experiences she and I had upon making the decision for TFA. Of course, my parents worry about me being in an unsafe area or moving to a new place, but no one ever doubted me being a teacher. I don't know how I would have gotten this far, or how I would get through the next two years, if I didn't have so much support: from my family, my friends, Zach, the camp staff, everyone. I have no idea what I will do after my two year commitment, but it is certainly nice to know that I have such a huge support system to get me through this step and every other step in my life.

done with my test!

So this post has taken me a while to finish, but I have been trying to organize all my thoughts on this.

Saturday I took my certification test for Special Education, the General Curriculum. The two tests were only my first round -- once I know where I am working and a more specific idea of my teaching assignment I will then take my specific tests. The test was quite a frustrating experience. First, I don't remember the last time that I studied so hard for something. Unfortunately, the book that is meant to be a study guide is poorly written and was not at all an adequate preparation for the test. I am hoping that my knowledge from my psychology classes were enough of a compensation of information. I am also hoping that everyone else taking it felt as poorly prepared as I did. I do not mean to be bitter, I am just frustrated and will be beyond embarrassed if I fail my first certification test. That is not the impression I would like to give TFA.

I get more and more honored by my selection to the TFA Corps the more I learn about it. Someone recently told me that their acceptance rate is about 13%. WOW! I have also discovered, as I learn more about my other corps members, that I am a part of a very accomplished group. Many of the other Atlanta Corps members come from Ivy League schools and are significant leaders on their campuses, in various organizations. At times, I am very overwhelmed by the responsibilities I have as a member of this group.

I am also frequently overwhelmed by the responsibilities I have as a teacher and specifically as a special education teacher. I am struggling to constantly remind myself that God has gotten me this far, and that he will continue to help me through this. I also have to remind myself that TFA would not have chosen me for this if they didn't think that I could handle it. I need a better way to calm myself down. I need a better way to let go of things and trust. I can't have a plan for everything. I can't always have the answer or any answer. I am so excited about my future and I have to get better at focusing on that part, and the excitement of new challenges, and not be so concerned with all the things that I don't know and that I am afraid of.

"To live in fear is not to live at all." This was just said on the tv as I am finishing this up. Thanks again, God, for reminding me of your presence even in the midst of Desperate Housewives =)

My next step..

So I wanted to start this blog to try and gather and keep up with all of my thoughts as I am getting ready to move on, graduate, and start a new chapter in my life. I think it will be somewhat therapeutic and helpful in managing all the craziness that I am expecting...

I am thrilled by the opportunity that I have been given through Teach for America. However, the more and more I learn about what I have gotten myself into the more nervous I become. I am worried that I won't be prepared for this, that I will let my kids down or myself down, or even TFA down. I try to compare this to CWE, thinking that I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I interviewed for CC or when I accepted the job as HCC. But staff new exactly what they were doing, and they prepared me for just about every thing I needed to handle the job. Anything they didn't specifically prepare me for I was still able to handle because of all the other tools I was given. I would like to think that this is how teaching will be. I am eagerly anticipating beginning Summer Institute because then I will (hopefully) finally feel like I am being prepared for the job.

I don't mean to sound like I am not confident in myself. I think I would be feeling like this no matter what job I was headed for. I am very grateful to even have a job and to know somewhat of where I am going.. But as I study for the GACE which I will take this weekend, I feel like there is way more information that I DON'T know than there is what I DO know. I haven't studied this hard for something in a really long time! My brain doesn't even know how to handle it anymore! I will be glad when the test is over and I can begin focusing more on the information that TFA gave me to prepare for the Summer Institute.

I think this is all for now.. Just wanted to introduce what I was doing and get some things off of my chest!